I wait to hear from you,
your heart speaking to me.
I long to travel through the world with
my full, blessed heart.
When will my soul awake
and sing you a song of love?
When shall I go door to door
of the earth,
bring the love of men and women
at your own home?
Nobody listens, nobody wakes up
songs die in the desert.
I have no strength to make a song
with your force and light.
If you don't speak through me,
what can my words mean?
It's all yours, I shall echo
because I know nothing.
I shall call all by your name,
bring them close to my heart.
your heart speaking to me.
I long to travel through the world with
my full, blessed heart.
When will my soul awake
and sing you a song of love?
When shall I go door to door
of the earth,
bring the love of men and women
at your own home?
Nobody listens, nobody wakes up
songs die in the desert.
I have no strength to make a song
with your force and light.
If you don't speak through me,
what can my words mean?
It's all yours, I shall echo
because I know nothing.
I shall call all by your name,
bring them close to my heart.
Nice, good job especially for the "Sancharee" stanza. For the Sthayee, how abur message (in the singular) for missives? And fulfilled instead of sacred?
ReplyDeleteIn the first Antara, please reconsider "altar" - it conveys a sense of sacrifice instead of submission. Maybe "throne" could work?
The word "sinew" doesn't seem to go too well with shimmer. In any case, if you wish to convey a sense of strength (for "prabal ajeya"), why not use just that word?
But good hob overall!